| Comments Left By Others |
| Name: Dori Bohnsack |
Date: May 22, 2005 - 11:31 AM |
| Email: webmaster@pureadrenaline.tv |
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Comments: Welcome to Joy Eger's memorial page. I hope this guestbook will be a place for Joy's friends, family, and acquaintences to share their thoughts. Please contact me if you have any problems or suggestions while using this website.
Thanks and best wishes. |
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| Name: Amanda |
Date: May 23, 2005 - 11:51 AM |
| Email: reichhoff@hotmail.com |
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Comments: love you Joy. i will never forget you. you will always be with me. i'll keep brit in line for you. lol. idk bout that brandon though...jk...i pray everynite for your friends and family to stay strong and help them through this time...you will always be with me...i love you...
your "second daughter"
amanda reichhoff
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| Name: Karen&Bob Lee |
Date: May 27, 2005 - 6:58 AM |
| Email: rkrlee@uniontel.net |
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| Comments: God bless and keep Joy. Having gone thru this before with Joy years earlier in life, we wish to express our heartfelt wishes that friends and family not forget how she showed us, by example, the adversites and trials of life can be dealt and with. Please do not forget Pat and the kids and family members as this was the source of Joys ability to understand and acheive the level of wonderful person that we all accepted and relished in. |
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| Name: D. Lee |
Date: Jun 02, 2005 - 3:59 PM |
| Email: dilanadavislee@yahoo.com |
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| Comments: We LOVE you Joy!!! Beautiful JOY! |
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| Name: Brian & Andrea Wenzel |
Date: Jun 03, 2005 - 4:50 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: Our heartfelt sympathies are with Joy's family and friends. Joy will never be forgotten. |
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| Name: Rick and Michelle Wussow |
Date: Jun 04, 2005 - 6:53 AM |
| Email: wofamily@direcway.com |
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| Comments: We only met Joy, Pat, Brandon, and Brittny I guess about a year ago now. I can not say we were great friends however when we were around Joy made us feel welcome. She was a ver honest and outspoken person and that is a quality we can both respect. Pat God Bless you and your days ahead. I can not even imagine what it is like. Take care and hope to see you soon. |
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| Name: Stephanie Scott |
Date: Jun 05, 2005 - 3:27 PM |
| Email: stuffy_scott90@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: Joy was always someone that any person could go to when they needed to talk. She was a great listener and a great person. It's horrible that she only had a short time with us all but she still lives on. |
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| Name: Jessi Shuma |
Date: Jun 05, 2005 - 6:31 PM |
| Email: Shujess@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: i love you Joy... You will always be in my heart... and i will always remember your wonderful smile and great attitude no matter what... I Pray for your family to stay strong and make it through this... We'll help Britt, Brandon and Pat stay strong...i know u will always be with everyone you loved....and i love you Joy-Jessi Shuma |
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| Name: Broni Maranger |
Date: Jun 05, 2005 - 7:58 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: I was Joy's Moms best friend in high school. How I truly loved Stella and miss her friendship even to this day. Stella was a wonderful Mom and it sounds like Joy was too. What a wonderful tribute. God Bless. |
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| Name: DONNA BARR |
Date: Jun 06, 2005 - 9:25 PM |
| Email: FRAZZLEDUP1@HOTMAIL.COM |
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| Comments: WOW.PAT,WHAT AN AWESOME TRIBUTE TO YOUR WIFE. I WAS TRULY AND DEEPLY TOUCHED AND CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR SHARING THIS WITH US. I AM LOOKING AT MY LIFE AND MARRIAGE INA WHOLE NEW LIGHT AND WANT TO SAY THANKS FOR OPENING MY EYES WIDE ..YOU PUT YOUR THOUGHTS FOR JOY OUT THERE SO HONESTLY AND WORDED YOURSELF SO ELOQUENTLY I AM SO TOUCHED I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU .WE ALL KNEW JOY INA DIFFERENT WAY AND WILL MISS HER FOREVER.WE ALL FEEL A LOSS AND WE CAN NOT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,YOU ARE RIGHT THERE ,BUT KNOW THAT WE WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU ALL GET THRU THIS IN ANY WAY WE POSSIBLY COULD.PLEASE JUST ASK.WE WILL BE THERE HOWEVER YOU NEED US.I BABYSAT FOR JOY AND HER BROTHERS MANY YEARS AGO IN THE VERY SPOT WHERE I NOW LIVE.I HAVE A FEELING OF HER PRESENCE WITH ME AND SHE GREW UP IN OUR HOUSE. I SOMETIME IMAGINE HER WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE AND SO CUTE AND BLONDE. SHE WILL FOREVER BE IN OUR HEARTS.THANK YOU FOR SHARING WITH US AND I KNOW SHE WILL FOREVER BE IN ALL OF OUR HEARTS AS WILL YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN.GOD BLESS YOU PAT,BRANDON,AND BRITT. |
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| Name: Brandon & Brittany |
Date: Jun 06, 2005 - 10:24 PM |
| Email: eger@uniontel.net |
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| Comments: We love you Mom, we will never stop loving you. We need your help to be strong, We need your help for Dad to stop crying and get strong again. You know the song Mom...Unsinkable ships sink, unbreakable walls break, sometimes the things you think could never happen, happen just like that. Unbendable steel bends if the fury of the wind is unstoppable. We've learned to never underestimate the impossible... Dad is not unbreakable anymore, he is broken and needs you and God to fix him. We need you to fix us. We know at night, when he thinks no-one can hear him crying, you can. Show us hope, show us how to mend. Help us in school, in all our days. Don't leave us all alone Mom. We need you to help our ship sail again. Love you Mom. |
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| Name: cori |
Date: Jun 08, 2005 - 6:18 PM |
| Email: dollface1420002003@yahoo.com |
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Comments: Dear Patrick Eger,
I am very sorry to hear about your loss of your wife. I feel so bad for you and your children, I wish there was something someone could do for you to take away all of your pain. I am very sorry once again. Take care of yourself an Joy will always stay with you.
Sincerly, your friend, Cori |
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| Name: Maureen Sheldon |
Date: Jun 09, 2005 - 9:34 AM |
| Email: maureenlynn_2007@hotmail.com |
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Comments: Hey guys,
I'd only met Joy a handful of times, but the week in Florida, Joy and Pat were attached at the hip, and I swear there were more than one of you, you were EVERYWHERE. I watched the DVD last night, and I could hear Joy cheering Brandon on.
Thirty-five is too young. Joy was a very special lady, that much you could tell just by looking at her kids, and especially now that she's gone, both Brandon and Brittany's faces light up when they talk about her.
Brandon and Brittany, you know now who your true friends are and you know that they're always here for you. Though we aren't that close,(and there's the added weirdness of my dad), I will always be here to help you if you need it.
Lamentations 3:32
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| Name: Bonnie Vis |
Date: Jun 10, 2005 - 6:34 AM |
| Email: Bonbonwisc@hotmail.com |
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Comments: I had just met Joy last year at Olivia's baptism. She was a lovely womam, so full of joy and cheerfullness. She had a spirit that just made you want to smile. Even though she had just had surgery and was in a lot of pain, found it necesarry to stand in the front of the church for the baptism and be Olivia's Godmother. Then came to the party even though you could tell the pain had to be unbearable.
In the short time knew her I saw and admired the love and devotion she had for her family and friends. I know in my heart that she will be watching over you and keeping you safe. |
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| Name: Valerie |
Date: Jun 12, 2005 - 7:33 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: Joy - I never met you, but I know you were a wonderful person. Sometimes I imagine you up in heaven with my husband, talking about things and smiling down on your family and mine - trying to tell us that everything will be ok for all of us. You will never be forgotten. |
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| Name: Cassandra Bean |
Date: Jun 26, 2005 - 9:21 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Joy,
Could there be a more perfect name? Everytime I was near you there was always a huge smile on your face. Unfortunately the choir trip was kind of like our beginning and end all in one, way too short week. But what a week it was!
I'll always remember all of the great times we had. All of the pictures turned out wonderful, and I'm saving my NYC picture frame for a picture of you.
No one had as much fun as we did, who cares if we were half an hour late for the bus?(everyone but the tour guide and Mrs.T thats who!)Dressing up in the mall was tons of fun and you made anything look great. I'm never going to forget how we all wore our purses on our legs when we ate so they wouldn't be stolen!
The trip was AMAZING, and such a great experience with you, Brittany, Amanda, Danielle, and me. You may not have been my assigned chaperone but when it came down to it you were the one who cared and who treated Amanda, Danielle, and me like we were your daughters too! I love and miss you Joy!
Pat- You are a wonder with words, reading "MY JOY" touched me in a way that i can't put into words. At least not the way you you can with your own. I love You, Brittany, and Brandon with all my heart and I'm always going to be here no matter what. God Bless the three of you, stay strong, and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
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| Name: Uncle Bob & Aunt Karen |
Date: Jun 29, 2005 - 7:22 AM |
| Email: |
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Comments: In the time of Pat, Brandon & Brittany's Egers loss, we feel the pain they are going through.
I am not a very good writer, but let me express to you that there are not enough words or Thank You's for Pat.
Our daughter Regina ( Joy's cousin ) was severely injured only 8 weeks after his wife's death. It is still all a blurr, but Pat was the first one on the scene along with Rick Crook (his father-in-law) to help our daughter, until the ambulance got to the scene. Pat is a hero in our eyes, the way he kept it together while he helped Regina.The situation could have ended a lot worse if it had not been for Pat reacting so fast to the incident. We love you Pat and our thoughts and prayers will always be with you, Brandon and Brittany. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Jul 21, 2005 - 6:53 AM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Joy...12 weeks have passed. People were right, it does get more tolerable with time, and you do find the need and the strength to move on. I am sure you know what is all happening in our lives. I know you will be with us and with Brittany during her surgery this Friday. Yesterday was tough because she cried that you would not be there when she woke up like you always were. I told her you would be there the whole time now and could hold her hand during the whole surgery. I know she will think about that. Somehow, if God will let you, let her feel and know that you are.
Some nights I leave this site open on the computer becasue I get this strange feeling you can see it and read what everyone has written. I know you know you will never be replaced and that we really would love to have you back. But the kids and I know that is not possible. We have accepted the fact that you are in a better place and that you are happy. As we move on and find new lives, push us in the right direction if you can. Always know you are not forgotten not even for a minute and always know We love you. It is lonely for now but we are getting through. You would be proud of your kids and you would be surprised at some of your family. They are strong, supportive and have been there for us. I have seen new sides to some of them that I did not know as there. I don't think you did either. Help them know it is "OK" and help them heal too! I love You! |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Jul 27, 2005 - 9:23 AM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Well Honey...you know what today is. Happy anniversary sweetheart. On my birthday I got something from a friend. It was a book. One that we lived by and never even knew it. In the book was a CD. A song by Tim McGraw..."Live Like You Were Dyin' ". We heard the song many times together, but never stopped to hear the message it actually has in it. Maybe, just maybe...some of our friends and relatives can hear the song after reading this. Maybe they will learn to live like that instead of always waiting for another day. Don't worry, the kids and will still live like that. Every day more exciting than the last. A new adventure around every corner, cause...it may be our last corner. We think of you in everything we do. We talk about what you would have said, done and remember the times you were with us. I found some new pictures of you that were recent. I finally developed the last camera we had here. I am sure you are the most beautiful angel in heaven.
Yesterday you got a new visitor, I'll do what I can here, you look after Lee up there. I love you, I miss you and look forward to being with you again soon! |
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| Name: Theresa Crook |
Date: Jul 28, 2005 - 12:59 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Joy, I have never been that good at finding the right words when I need them, but I will do my best. It seems like it has been forever since you have been gone. I miss you so much. I can't help but see you every time I look at your two beautiful kids, they look so much like you. I know that you will make sure that their dreams come true and they get everything you and Pat always wanted for them.
I came to see you yesterday to wish you a Happy Anniversary. I didn't know how to let Pat know that I remembered what day it was, I hope he gets to read this and knows that I didn't forget. I sat up there for awhile and talked to you, I thought about all the good time that you and I shared. Driving somewhere in the car and laughing about every stupid little thing. Crying to new songs we heard on the radio, and then trying to sing along. Sitting in the hottub at the Wilderness Hotel, drinking margarita's and watching the snow fall. These are things I remember the most. I look forward to all the memories that I will have with Pat, Brandon and Brittany and I know that you will be with us every step of the way, making sure that everything is ok and we are all safe.
You had such an impact on so many people while you were with us, you would really be surprised. I never knew that one person could make such a huge affect on people. You tried to show us all how to live from day to day and make the best of every situation. I can only hope that I will be able to do the same.
I told you I would help watch over your family and make sure that they are ok, I promised that I would never miss a single important event that the kids have and I intend to keep my last promise to you. We all carry you close to our hearts and I know that you are watching over us, giving us those cute looks you always gave when we did something wrong or when we would pick on you. I see Brittany give the same looks from time to time and I just have to smile, because I know that you are probably laughing about it and saying that's my girl.
A few weeks ago, I got to see something that I know you would have loved to be here for. Your two kids riding your bike. I was following behind in the truck and I had all I could do, to hold it together. I was so proud of Brandon, he rides that bike just like you. He sits straight up, just as proud as can be. Your two angels! They are so strong, and I know they get that from you. Pat has been so stong, and he has helped me though some on my bad days. He's an amazing person, and I know why you loved him so much. I count on him to be there when I get married and when I have my first baby, not to take your place but to share it. I need him there for those moments. I look forward to having him there!
I have lost a best friend and a special sister, and I will never forget you. I miss you and I wish I could be with you, but I know I have a long time to wait, just like EVERYONE ELSE in this family! It's not our time yet, but whenever that may be, we will have you there holding our hands to help us make the journey. We have an angel watching over all of us, everyone should be so lucky. I love you! LOVE your little sister.
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| Name: Brandon |
Date: Jul 29, 2005 - 11:38 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Mom, First i would like to wish you a Happy Anniversary (I know it is a few days late, but i didn't forget)... yesterday was a very difficult day for me. i went to Lee's funeral to support amanda and her family. it was hard to have to watch such good friends go through all the pain that we just recently had. As a teenager, it is not an easy thing to have to say goodbye to a parent and see them for the last time before they close the casket. During the service they played "Eagles' Wings", and i couldn't help but cry. That was one of your favorite songs and it gave me the feeling that you were also there to support the Reichoffs with everyone else in the room.
About a month and a half ago i started to ride motorcycle with dad and all of our other friends we ride with. not too long after that, we decided it was time to get your bike out for me to ride. every time i get on that machine, i think of you and when i'm riding down the road i can feel you right there with me... i just wish i could see you and see the smile on your face to know that i was FINALLY riding with the group. i love and miss you so much mom. we made a patch for you and we put them on our vests. we all carry them right over our hearts because that's where you will always be... in our hearts...
there's a song i've been hearing on the radio a lot lately and here's how some of it goes... "So if you're up there watching, could you talk to God and say... Tell him i might need a hand to see you both some day........I wanna go where the streets are gold cuz you'll be there" I LOVE YOU MOM AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW "MOM, YOU ALWAYS WERE... THE PERFECT FAN!!!" |
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| Name: Dana Verhasselt |
Date: Jul 31, 2005 - 4:27 PM |
| Email: sickchopper@sbcglobal.net |
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| Comments: I only got to meet Joy three times but, she made me feel like part of the group and that I had known her for a long time. She is a great woman and had an awesome smile. I was lucky to know her and now heaven is blessed to have her. |
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| Name: Brittany Eger |
Date: Aug 16, 2005 - 11:08 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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Comments: mommy today was the 2nd day of the 2nd week of cheerleading practice. we went to the track and cheered into the bleechers. i could swear i saw you sitting there at a football game like i was seeing a picture. you were smiling like you always are and after the first cheer i started crying thru the second and third i couldn't talk just cry and hardly do the moves.
i don't care what anyone says, it does NOT get better with time. not for me. it's been 108 days and i can't believe how horrible it still feels. i still feel like i'll never stop crying once i start. how i wish i could be with you.
amanda's daddy's gone now, which makes things harder for her too. i still remember coming home from prom and all that morning like it was yesterday or like im seeing a video of it in my head. i almost didn't go to post prom, i didn't know why so i decided to go. now i know why i didn't want to go, i wish with all of my heart i hadn't, mom i don't know how im expected to go through the rest of my life without having you there to hug and talk to when i need someone. i now have been realizing (for 108) days how lucky i was to have you and how much i took it for granted. i am 15 years old and have god knows how long left to live. i never understood how you felt when you'd talk about your mom and i never thought i would have to until i was like 80.
i almost quit cheerleading today noticing how hard it would be to cheer at games. the only thing stopping me from quitting was how much i was reminded how you loved to come see me cheer. it's hard mom. really hard to stand there and look up at the bleechers and know that youi won't be at the games to watch me and to smile at me. you're who i would look at when i needed to remember to smile. you were always such a supportive parent and i just don't know how i am going to be now. obviously im not going to forget you, and it may get better with much much more time, but as of now, i still cry and when i cry it hurts like i've never felt hurt before. i've never been this sad EVER in my life and the sadness doesn't go away, the tears do but the pain doesn't. i get happy sometimes when i think of you and remember the good times, but the i cry cus there won't be anymore. no more new yorks, no band trip, no more hugs, i haven't had a dream about you since like the second month of having you gone.
i ask god to tell you that we love you mom and im hoping he does. if heaven is supposed to be such a happy place tho, then how can you see me now? when im crying and telling you how much i love youi? i know you'd be sad if you saw us like this, and nobody can answer that question. i've asked lots of people and they don't reply they just hug me, well i need an answer. can you see me? are you here watching me when i feel like someone's there?
i feel like im pouring all my feelings out to a computer, but hopefully you can see it this way. ... once again, theres that question popping back into my head, how can you read these and not be sad if heavens such a happy place? are you happy knowing how much we love you or sad cus you can't be here with us? i know i won't get my questions fully answered until i get to heaven, but i can hope right!
you know something? when i was little i heard a song by the spice girls and it is called "momma" well obviously wheni hear it i think of you, and it's actually a really good song. mom i love you so much and i know you love us all too. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Oct 08, 2005 - 5:10 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: You know what is happening tonight...Homecoming. I dropped Brittany off and the worst feeling in the world hit me. This night is all to familiar in feeling to me, and I worry. Oh Joy, how can you be gone? Watch over both kids for us. Brittany and I talked about you all the way to Oxford. We talked about that night again and we talked about her feelings. I tried to keep her spirits up and I tell her things that I try to tell myself but the hurt just does not stop. It still seems so impossible that this can be. How do I help them with their depression when I can't control my own? I miss you everyday and the kids do too. I try to suck it up, have fun with them like we always did and go through the motions, but it is hard. Help me travel the right road as I move on, if not for me for the sake of Brandon and Brittany. I still haven't figured out what direction is up yet, but it is starting to level out. I have forced myself to be too busy to stop and think, but still it happens. Like I tell you everynight...I would trade all my future happiness and anything this world could offer for one more day, one more week, one more year with you. But I know it will never happen. So all I can do is hope and keep my eyes open for what the future holds. If you can...point me in the right direction when the time comes. |
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| Name: Bob Fellenz |
Date: Oct 08, 2005 - 7:00 PM |
| Email: rfellenz@wi.rr.com |
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Comments: I met Joy in Oct of 1999. I was looking for a new area for deer hunting, and was following up an add I saw in the Milwaukee Journal. I knocked on your front door in mid October on a Saturday morning, and was greeted by Joy. I introduced myself and immediately felt like a long lost friend. Joy had a knack for making people (even complete strangers) feel welcome.
I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed the past five or six years. I can tell you, I never enjoyed deer hunting more, in all of my 40 plus years of hunting. Joy played a major roll in all the years of hospatality. I sincerely appreciate it.
Please accept my deepest heartfelt sympathy. |
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| Name: Dave Ricke |
Date: Oct 12, 2005 - 9:37 AM |
| Email: r.l5710@sbcglobal.net |
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Comments: Pat,Brandon, Brittny,
Please accept my sympathy. Joy made a complete stranger feel at home. Enjoyed our years hunting togeather. God Bless You. Good Hunting
Dave |
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| Name: Brooke |
Date: Oct 31, 2005 - 8:38 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Joy,
You and I started working at Sentry around the same time. When I got to know you and we realized that we knew lots of the same people, I felt a special connection to you, like you were someone I also knew for a long time. We'd always yell over the office divider at each other to find out how our weekends went and who we did what with. You'd come right over and show off your new pictures of Brandon and Brittany. You were always so damn happy and smiley and I always wanted to be that way. I don't think I ever saw you mad or in a bad mood, you always had a smile on your beautiful face. To loose a friend is hard, but then to have to sit in your desk and assume your duties, kiddo, it's hard. I miss you and think of you absolutely every day...You are everywhere there. Know that you are in my heart always. Your headstone is beautiful. Pat and the kids did a wonderful job. I miss you very much Joy. You are such a good friend.
Brooke |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Nov 01, 2005 - 1:20 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: 1000 - 6 months today sweetheart. 6 of the longest months of my life. It still isn't better. I try so hard to be everything to the kids...but it just is not the same. They need help and I can't give it. I am lost without you. It is so hard on the kids... I can't find the right words to comfort them nor the answers to the questions they ask. If you see or hear any of this, please help me if you can. I just want to close my eyes at times and never open them again. When I work here now I hear the clock make every tick all day. I feel every minute, every long minute. It does NOT get better, it just doesn't. I love you........ |
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| Name: Brittany |
Date: Nov 10, 2005 - 6:46 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: Mom, i know i don't write on here as much as i wish i would but i want you to know something. right now i really wish you were here. Do you remember how we would talk about everything and i would tell you all the great and bad things happening? well, right now i am happy. i don't know how i can be this happy with the feeling of losing you weighing down on my heart constantly but i am so happy. because i have something exciting to tell you. i'm not sure if i want to say this on here for others to read, but i want to say it to you and if others read it at least then they will know how happy i am. I feel so guilty for being this happy mommy but i also know that you would want me to be happy. so anyway, i have started talking to this kid in my class, somone that is really nice, a boy. he's not like most boys, with a one track mind you know, but he is just all around nice, and no matter what he says he makes me smile. i have not smiled or been this happy in 194 days. i counted. i know that if you were here (and he may not think this is very cool lol but this is what happens) i would be running to you everytime i got a sweet text or yelling your name "MOM" everytime he said something sweet or cute on msn messaging. you know im obviously crying while writing this and feeling sad for being this happy but i have to have something that makes me happy like this beyond brandon and dad (they make me the luckiest little girl in the world) and so do you mom. i just know what everyone's going to say... "she is there reading those texts she is reading your conversations and watching you smile", and i know this. you are the one person i could tell ANYTHING to. you are the one person that if i had someone screening my life and watching everything i do, i want that to be you!!! and i'm glad it is. i guess im realizing now that i don't have to run or yell anything, you are already there and i can feel it. i know you're probably smiling everytime i do and i am glad that i now have the strength to smile. i have the perfect reason to smile. thinking about you mom, makes me smile. being able to have the loving family i have and being so lucky that, even though i am this sad, Caleb can make me smile. sometimes, he is the only one that does that for me (other than you) and i'm happy. so since i've rambled for how long now i guess i'm done. but this is me running to you and yelling "MOM" telling you what makes me happy and that i know that you are glad that i am happy. I will never be as happy as i would be if i could just spend one more day or 10 more minutes with you, but you know that if i could i would hug you and NEVER EVER let you go...as long as i know that one day i will be with you again and i will give you the biggest hug ever! i love you SO much mommy and i ALWAYS will. you are my guardian angel and i am lucky because not everyone has as beautiful or special of a guardian angel as i do:) i love you mom. i love you i love you i love you. |
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| Name: Ashley |
Date: Nov 14, 2005 - 2:16 AM |
| Email: cendre_1@hotmail.com |
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Comments: There are many people that we will love in our lives...when we open ourselves up to love, we are vunerable to both happiness and pain.
Love never fades away. I believe that you-Brittany, Brandon, and Pat, know that for a fact. Not only do you love your mother/wife, you still feel the love that she has for you. I wish you all the best of luck with everyday that passes.
Brittany, if you ever want to talk or have any (girlie) questions you want to ask me-go ahead and call me or email me. I would love to listen and get to know you better:) |
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| Name: brittany |
Date: Nov 15, 2005 - 7:51 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: Mom. Wow. Ok, I don't know where to start. I came home sick from school, went to sleep, and I had a dream about you. I'm not sure whether to say it was a good dream or a bad one because some good things happened but then you left me. I don't know why it had the scene it did but here's how it went. 'I was at school and we were setting up for a concert. But our choir wasn't the one's singing. Rascal Flatts came and performed for our school. I don't know why, but they were there and Daddy was backstage helping and taking pictures. You were there. You were sitting by me and talking to me and laughing and I was SOOOO happy. I didn't realize why then, but everytime you got up to take something somewhere or whatever, go somewhere, I cried histerically. Everytime you would come back though. It made me happy to see you again. Finally one time you got up and I cried histerically again and people were like "Brittany what is wrong with you?" and I said "I let her go." You didn't come back that time and I always said that if I saw you again I would hug you and never ever let you go. I let you go this time. I don't know why but Mrs. Temansan was there and she told me that Daddy wanted to know who I was talking to and how i was so happy sitting "all alone" (I was sitting 'alone' but no one knew that I was sitting by you). He didn't see you, No one else saw you. Just me. She told me that Daddy took pictures of me hoping that when they were developed he would see who I was talking to. Then the scene changed. I was watching people swimming and everytime they would slip, someone tried to help but couldn't so you were there and you saved them everytime. One of those times it was me and God helped me. He saved me and when I was standing there I saw you. You were tall and beautiful and I hugged you. I knew that this was my chance to never let you go. But for some reason you just hugged me back and I was comfortable. I let you go and you stayed and talked to me for a while but you and God had to leave. Of course I didn't want you to but I knew that you had to.' Then I woke up, went upstairs, made a chicken pot pie, and watched a little t.v. I don't know why but I did not remember that I had just had that dream. I was feeling sick and knowing that you would be there to comfort me if you were here. It's kinda hard to explain how this went but I was starting to feel sad and all of a sudden I remembered the dream. I felt really sad and started crying because I say all the time that I want to just hug you and never let go. Well I had my chance and I let go. I knew that I had to but now I wish that I hadn't. I love you so much and I need you right now. I started remembering things and I got really sad. I cried so hard and I felt like a big baby. I just don't know how to deal with life without you. I don't know how I am supposed to cope with everything. I know that I will see you again someday, but I am selfish. I want you NOW! I miss you so much and I don't want to believe that this is really happening to me. It has been 199 Days, and that's too much. People are always saying, "It gets better with time" and "I know how you must feel" and "I've been through this" and you know something, it's a comforting thing to say.... so they think. But it just makes me mad because NO it doesn't get better with time it gets worse. NO you don't know how I feel. And I don't care if you've been through something like this and you think you know what it's like, NO you don't. There is no possible way for anyone to know how I feel. They may have lost someone, but nobody can prove to me that they love their mom or dad or ANYONE as much as I love you. It's not the same. Our family was different. I spent every possible waking minute with you and now I can't do that. Nobody had or has a relationship like that with anyone as far as I'm concerned accept for my daddy and my brother with you. I don't care how anyone else tries to make me feel bad for them or tries to make me think they know how I feel by saying "I lost someone too" well I'm sorry for them I really am, but they didn't lose someone like I lost you. They didn't lose their BEST FRIEND someone they saw EVERY SINGLE DAY and someone they said "I LOVE YOU" to EVERY DAY of their lives. I am sorry that I don't understand how they feel. I am sorry that I hurt so bad that I want to block out the pain of other people. And I am sorry that people just don't understand me. You know something, people don't realize that I can't be everything to them. I can't understand everything, I can't remember everything, I am not the same person I used to be. I think about you Mom 24-7 and sometimes I forget things. I am sorry that I have to be this sad and I just wish that you were here with me to help me with life. Everyone tries to help but they don't realize how I still feel. They think that "Oh it was so long ago, she should be able to concentrate on school" and they don't realize that I can't concentrate on anything. I can't concentrate on my life sometimes all I can think about is you. I know that this has dragged on so long, so I am going to finish up here. All I wanted to say was that Mom if I ever get another chance to hold you, please please please don't let go. Don't let me let you go. I love you so much. And I know that Daddy and Brandon do too. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Nov 28, 2005 - 9:10 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: 973 - Joy.....I miss you so much. Our project is pretty much done now. I Just have to hire a few good people now. It did help to stay so busy and pour all my time into it, but now...it is done and it is all back again. Pain, anger, emptiness all over again. So staying busy only helped temporarily.
Your daughter puts things just as they are. It never gets better. You learn to deal with it, but it isn't better. And when people say they understand, or know how we feel, I'd like to punch them. They don't know shit. I have never seen anyone appear to love their wife like I loved you or love a husband like you loved me.
Tonight I came home and Brittany has Christmas music on, it is all the slow sad stuff. Her cheeks are bright red from crying, and she looked at me and said, I am putting Mommy's Christmas decorations up daddy. It hit me like a hammer and I could not even stand up. She says we are still gonna have Christmas. How can our little girl be so strong and I can't? I have been dreading this holiday. Who am I gonna go shop with for the kids, like you and I always did? Nights like tonight were our romantic times, decorating, listening to music and having a glass of wine together. I don't feel like putting up any lights this year...but if I do, they will all be for you. Britt just came in and asked for Mommy's candles. Everything is still where you put it, so we will have to go look for it all. I feel so guilty looking through your stuff without you being here.
You should see Britt when she works honey, she is all you. I just have to do all I can to protect her. I sometimes catch myself staring at your pictures, you are still so beautiful. In most conversations something always gets said that cuts like a knife and I think of you, what you would have said or how you would have smiled. I would give anything including my own life right now to hold you just once more and give you back to these kids.
If you can...If God will let you...please come visit us for Christmas, please.
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| Name: Theresa |
Date: Dec 12, 2005 - 7:08 AM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: Happy Birthday Joy!!! Hope wherever you are, your day will be wonderful. We all love you and miss you more than anyone could even imagine. Love always, your little sister. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Dec 12, 2005 - 10:00 AM |
| Email: |
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Comments: 959 - How do I say "Happy" Birthday ... although I hope for you, it is a happy day. I took the kids to dinner and a movie last night, I am sure you saw. It was a long ride home. No words were needed, we all knew what the other was thinking and where our hearts were. It hurts still, again, more maybe. why you? why? so many other worthless people, so many who are sick, act sick, beg for sympathy, don't contribute, won't work, don't work or just plain drain on the rest of us and they are still here. So why you? Why one who was full of love, life and smiles. You were nothing but good.
I bought you a present, we will put it by the fireplace exactly where you would have put it I am sure. When I seen it, I knew you would have had to have it. So did everyone who looked at it with me. It is Joy for sure. I love you Joy. I can't stand it here without you. The day when I can be with you will not come soon enough. For whatever it can bring...Happy Birthday Baby! |
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| Name: Theresa |
Date: Dec 12, 2005 - 1:30 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: She is Gone
By Anonymous
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on. |
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| Name: Lori |
Date: Dec 13, 2005 - 7:35 AM |
| Email: bnlcrook@aol.com |
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Comments: Didn't want you to think that we forgot about you on your birthday. It was just the opposite of that. That is all we could think about all day long. You know that phone call that should have been made to you to wish you a Happy Birthday. I hope your day was special. I'm not even sure what to say. It still hurts so much and that I miss you everyday. We didn't get to do our Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving like we had been. I didn't even go to your house over hunting season. It just wouldn't have been the same.
Joy you were (are) a "sister" to me. You welcomed me into your family from day one. I still remember the first time I met you and Pat. Pat told me that someday Brad would marry me. You always treated me like I was a part of your family and I am very grateful for that. I never told you that enough.
I keep showing Kaitlyn your picture that hangs on our wall. Someday when she is old enough, she will know who her Auntie Joy is and how wonderful she is.
I don't know what else to say right now - but I hope you had a Happy Birthday yesterday.
I love you and miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| Name: Richard W. Crook II |
Date: Dec 13, 2005 - 10:16 AM |
| Email: DEERKILLERRC@MSN.COM |
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| Comments: I don't know what to say I see Joy every day. Every time I close my eyes I see her smiling face. I feel if I where to just go home she would come back again. For me I can still see her at the truck stop in Atlanta when we met them on there way back from Florida. Every nite I pass by there and can still see all of them in the car as we left to go get something to eat. I look at the pictures that we took at the resturaunt never guessing that they would be the last good byes that we would have. The pain in my heart every time I pass the truck stop will probably never end. So many times I thought of moving back home to be with the Family but still I have not gone. Now I suffer for the lost time with my sister in which I can never get back now. Not one more smile, laugh, or hunting trip. No more calls to tell me of the great advetures they have gone on. Pat is right, no one knows our pains and sorrows, and his and mine are different as I am sure everyone elses are. I too was 14 when I lost my Mother and in that sense can sypathy with Brandon and Brittany. I wish I could tell them that the pain will go away but it don't, or at least it hasn't for me. Joy and I could talk about It and get peace but now all I get are lonesome tears. I pray that I could have just talked to her that last night when I was going to race, (something that she couldn't stand me doing)all I could do is leave a voice message telling her I loved her and would call her tomarrow, not knowing that tomarrow would never come. So many things we take for granted but are never promissed any. My mother-in-law has terminal small cell cancer. She has had it now for 2years and 8 months. From what I have been told that is the longest living small cell cancer patient. Why? Because god isn't finished with her yet. We will all survive and live through this but some of our pains will never go away. Every time there is a birthday, aniversary, wedding, family reunion, holiday, our hearts hurt more. At times I just feel anger and don't know what for. I love and miss everyone every day of every year, and hope soon to be back with ya'll again soon. Some of the words of encouragement that help me through the times are: The Lord will never put more on us than we can handle. We will go on, some days are just better than others. I miss you Joy, I hope your bithday was special!!! Watch over all of us and lead us down the right pathes. Love and Miss Ya, Richie |
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| Name: Your Baby Brother Bradley |
Date: Dec 15, 2005 - 8:47 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: If I had a buck for every time you introduced me like that I'd have a good start on Kaitlyn's college fund by now. The truth is it never got old and I was always pretty proud of my big sister. Sorry it took me so long to get here, but it took me until the Friday before your B-Day to make it back to this site.
I know you probably know how much it hurts to write to you. It's like someone turns the faucet on and I can't see a damn thing - good thing I took a typing class or two. Kaitlyn is teething like mad right now and I don't know what to do. I know if you were here you would probably just hold her and everything would be o.k. I just tried a little orjel maybe that will help subside the pain. I have so much to say - I just can't right now. I'd like to say the lot by you and mom looks pretty right now, but it's nothing compared to what's in heaved now. Someone once told me that guys have to be men and be strong and get over deaths (even close ones),well fuck that, I'm crying just as much and it hurts just as much right now as it did May 1. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I'd like to see them jump in these shoes and say that, they'd probably feel like punching themself in the mouth. So many times you were there for, as a sister, as a mother, and as a friend. I wish I could tell you that I am who I am thanks to you, your awesome husbend, really everyone that surrounded me in my younger years and even today.
I still wish I knew what went wrong, or as God would say right, I still think I was supposed to be down there that weekend for Jason Reetz's B-Day party and I know I would've been there. The only thing that gives me closure is that you had the three people(four including God) you cared most about by your side on your last day here. Well I'm going to call it a night, my little princess went to sleep and that's where I'm heading.
I miss you more than ever - I'll see you on the other side.
Bradley |
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| Name: Bradley |
Date: Dec 25, 2005 - 12:25 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Well it's Dec. 25 2005, everyone's first Christmas without you around, but I know you're out there somewhere so I'd like to take this time to wish you a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS sis. Last night we hung a beautiful ornament on the cross that I hope the kids and Pat hang on to. They don't have to hang it on their tree next year or ten years from now, but some day they'll be ready. I have to admit it was really tough to say merry Christmas to anyone, but I know you wouldn't want that so I'm saying Merry Christmas, but it doesn't feel like the last 30 years I've said it.
This morning we got up and Katy scored big time as usual. It's so cool to see the expressions on her face and watch her get into opening presents as she gets older.
Pat called this morning and we exchanged Merry Christmas and Thanks for the gifts. Brittany picked out the cutest little dress for Katy, and we'll just keep the rest on the down low.
Last night I realized how much I miss hunting and hanging around with Pat and Dan so I'm going to make a promise to myself to get down and go coyote hunting or someting at least twice this winter.
Gotta wrap it up and get to the inlaws. Just wanted you to know that WE LOVE AND MISS YOU MUCH. See you on the other side. Peace be with you.xoxoxo |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Dec 25, 2005 - 2:30 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: 946-I miss you. We said it all at your stone last night. I know you heard us, I felt you. Merry Christmas, I am sure it is the best yet for you. bye baby. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Jan 20, 2006 - 8:17 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: We made it through the holiday's although not much of a Merry Christmas. As time goes on I realize there are a lot of questions that go unanswered and may never have an answer for us. I miss you and would gladly take care of you well into our senior years had you hung on. I turn to talk to you many days still and I think I actually miss you more all the time. I try to talk to you in every place I can think of, here, your grave, in bed at night when I pray. I hope that soemwhere you can see and hear us. So many things I want to ask you now, I do the best I can but the fact is, you were the entity that kept me going. Now I am just lost. Good night Joy, we love you. |
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| Name: Stephanie |
Date: Feb 15, 2006 - 2:45 PM |
| Email: stuffy_scott90@hotmail.com |
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Comments: A couple of weeks ago I was sitting in english class and Brittany was having a bad day. She wrote a poem about Joy which inspirted me to write one also.My poem to you Joy:
Take friends, family, love, destiny, fate,honesty, children, envolvment in the community. Put in hands of fate. Mix raw emotions, heaven, noise, silence, falling tears, love and hate until you have the loss of a great woman and a family still together. Pour all the angels but add the best new angel of all. Cook best when you se the stars at an impossible degree until you can see Joy looking down as a beautiful angle twinkling at you. You can tell it's done when you see how the Eger's are stil the family of perfection. Let stend until they can see her face again and the help of friends. Cut..don't cut, let it be whole. Taste the "Joy" of a perfect mother now gone.
I love you guys and I don't know what I would do without you...Remember I'm always here for all of you..We will never forget you Joy, you are always in our hearts and our prayers. We love you!
Love always..Stephanie and Holly |
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| Name: Brittany |
Date: Feb 15, 2006 - 9:49 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: I don't have much to say, but it will probably end up being more than I thought. Well, about a week and a half ago I was having a really really bad day. i wrote a 6 page poem and I don't have it with me now, but sometime i will put it on here for you. For now I would just like to vent. I was reading an e-mail from this girl daddy likes (he told me to read it), and a picture of you fell down. I got to thinking "was that a sign??? did she NOT want Daddy likeing this woman, or was that a 'hey I approve' sign??? I have no clue yet, but I looked at it and I think that is the biggest smile I've seen on that picture. Like it got bigger. But then again, your eyes are questioning like .."I like her for Pat, but will she hurt him?" I just wish all this questioning and hurt and confusion would go away, or never have started. If you had never been stolen away from me and brandon in the PRIME of our lives, on PROM night, this never would have happened. Daddy wouldn't have to try to find someone suitable. (I say suitable because NO woman NO MATTER how HARD she tries, could NEVER EVER EVER be the same or even CLOSE to the same as you) They will never be as beautiful, as wonderful, as amazing and caring and perfect as you. I will never EVER be completely happy with the woman he choses. I will try to be satisfied but that's all I'll ever be. I need YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU and I am going to be stubborn like a child until it gets what it wants. I will never give up hope that this is all a HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE. I am just SO sick and tired of crying and having to feel this pain that most other people don't have to deal with. They'll never understand. NONE OF THEM!!! I wish there was an easier way to deal with this but crying is the best. You know, i got to thinking the other night. I was driving with Brandon and I said "you know i like driving with you i feel a little less scared to mess up" he said "yeah kinda like driving with MOM" i agreed then thought "wait, what am i agreeing with? I never got to drive with my mom." I never got to. NOT FAIR!!! I get so mad. so sad. so unbelievably irritable when I start thinking how unfair it is that WE had to go thru this. That now WE have to know how it feels. I don't want to know. I just wish you could be here to stop all this hurt and anger. I love you soooooo much and no one will EVER be able to experience the love that is felt between our family. I am going to go now, but will be on soon to type up the poem that i wrote. I love you Mom, Brandon, and Daddy. We are a family and we can try to make it thru, until one day we will see you again, as the happiest family in the world reunited. :) |
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| Name: Dori |
Date: Feb 15, 2006 - 11:40 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Even though I have a ton of work to do and there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day, I find myself coming back here time and again to read how Joy has changed so many people's lives. Sometimes I wish I could write something comforting, or profound, or crazy enough to make Pat, Brandon, and Brit feel better. Then I think about what I might say and it seems ridiculous to even imagine it would make any difference.
Pain, fear, loneliness, helplessness. Those are just words made for anti-depressant commercials and psychiatrists' brochures. Maybe a poet or an artist could show us what those things really mean. Like in the movie "Contact" when Jodie Foster looks out of her space pod and sees a world so unspeakably beautiful that she begins to cry and chokes out, "They should have sent a poet."
I never really knew Joy, but I have come to care about her family. Joy was so proud of her kids. It was all she talked about on the day she and Pat generously treated my husband and me to a night out at Lavore's. She would want them to find once again the happiness, hope, and excitement that every beautiful new day can bring.
If I could say anything to those who love Joy it would be this:
To love someone so deeply and lose them is painful, but it is also a gift. Nobody can take that love from you - ever. It is yours and yours alone, to keep and cherish for the rest of your life.
If one day you find yourself face-to-face with your pain, don't bury it. Throw it out to the stars and Joy will be there waiting to take it from you. She gave you her life for a reason. Let her help you. She WANTS to help you, not watch you suffer. Wouldn't you do the same if the tables were turned?
Just remember that moving on does not mean leaving her behind.
----------------------
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
- David Viscott |
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| Name: Brittany JOY |
Date: Feb 17, 2006 - 10:46 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail,com |
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Comments: ok, here's that poem i wrote ...
A Family of Four
A happy family,
A family of four.
And none of us knew
Just what was in store.
It was prom night,
A happy time,
Until about
Four o’ nine.
When we came home,
Daddy said,
“Don’t bother your mom,
She’s sick in bed.”
We all just thought
That she’d be ok.
And when morning came,
We’d hear her say …
“Hey I’m alright,
Thanks for all your help.”
But we were wrong,
The hand was dealt.
I fell asleep,
And when I awoke
It was to the sound
Of screams “No Please NO!”
I called 911
But they already knew.
I just cried and screamed
“Mommy, I love you!”
The ambulance came,
I asked the woman
“Will she be ok?
Will you save my Mom?” and
In reply
All she said was,
“I really don’t know,
But I wish I did Hun.”
My Daddy jumped
Right over a chair,
To help them carry her
Into the night air.
On the way to the hospital
I decided to pray
“Oh please GOD please!
Don’t take my Mommy away!”
So then we arrived
Hearing sounds of fright
And wondering “Damn,
What happened tonight?!”
After about an hour
The doctor came out,
“We’re trying real hard.”
But we knew there was doubt.
We disobeyed orders
Time after time.
“Please don’t come in here,
We’re doing just fine.”
Daddy didn’t listen
Neither did I.
We wanted to help
We didn’t want her to die.
And to our misfortune
30 minutes later
“We did all we could,
We just couldn’t save her.”
I didn’t believe it
I asked him again
“Does that mean …?”
“Yes dear she’s dead.”
I had nothing to say
I couldn’t say anything
So I decided to put
My thoughts into screams!
I screamed louder than ever
My body tensed up
I was hugging my Daddy
My eyes were both shut.
They then let us see her
Say our last goodbyes
Take off her jewelry
But we couldn’t see her eyes.
Through all of her pain
She must have closed them
At least now she wasn’t
Hurting inside then.
Her pain was all lifted
As she went to Heaven.
She would be ok now
She was in God’s presence
For weeks Daddy prayed
Brandon and I did too
“Please God take back that day
Please God please won’t you.”
And now we have suffered
And learned she’s at rest
Of all other people,
I swear she’s the best.
She was always so friendly
And everyone loved her
She was so very active
‘bike’ rider, skier, and hunter.
She was, in my eyes, PERFECT
As any human can be.
But the pain she went thru
Was so hard to believe.
She now has no pain
We’ll all be ok.
Knowing she’s in Heaven,
Every day.
Smiling down on us
Like she always was
Wishing she could give us
All one great big hug.
To tell her I love her,
Just have one more day,
Would be the greatest
And I always pray.
“God if you’ll let me,
See her one more time,
And hug her and tell her,
That we’ll all be just fine.”
“Me, Daddy, and Brandon,
We’ll be ok.
Just knowing that we’ll
Get to see you someday.”
“I love you dear Mommy.
And I always will,
I will keep missing you,
Every day until…”
“God takes me to Heaven,
To be by your side,
But I know I have to wait,
It is not yet my time.”
“I have to be strong
For Daddy and Brandon,
I will not leave them,
None of us should be abandoned”
My poem must end
But my feelings are out
I love my family
And without a doubt
She is in our hearts
She’ll always be near
A family of four,
Will ALWAYS live here.
Brittany JOY Eger
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| Name: Kaylinn |
Date: Feb 25, 2006 - 7:14 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: *Joy*
Hey there, I know you don't know me, my name is Kaylinn Ralph,I am a really good friend of brittany, actually shes one of my best friends. I not sure if its wrong for doing this because i dont know you but a part of me does know you...Britt always talks about you and what she says your a wonderful mother, friend and wife. and i wish i could have met you, brittany has let me into her life and I am very pleased, these last few months have been very hard for me..and I was in need a Friend, someone I can trust and that will listen to me, I found that friend in her, she a wonderful girl but you dont need me to tell you that. We opened up to each other and told one another things that we have never told ne one..well me anyway..this is really hard for me. I just wanted to introdeuse myself and say hello. If its alright w/ you and ur family i would like to right to you again.
Love,
Kaylinn.
and Joy, my grandmother is up there with you and if its not any trouble can you tell her I say Hi and I Love And Miss Her and me and mom think about her everyday...her name is marline she was a amazing mother, wife, grandmother, and friend. it would mean the world to me if you could do that . Thank you! |
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| Name: LMW |
Date: Mar 02, 2006 - 4:55 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: TO Brittany,
Thanks for sharing this site with me.
talk soon kiddo. |
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| Name: Wade Steinmann |
Date: Mar 10, 2006 - 9:07 PM |
| Email: wa6584@cppweb.com |
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| Comments: Hey guys!Pat,Brandon,BERT!I was just checking out the website.I'm planning to come up for the 'Joy' ride in May, so and thought I would get to know Joy alittle better.This is an awesome tribute to her.I agree,we will all be lucky to have someone that special at some point in our lives.I'm coming back to the training center again on the 20th,I'll see you all then.P.S.I'm sending a package from the cheese capital of Wisconsin,------Green County! Take care all. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Apr 05, 2006 - 12:24 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Oh Joy! This time of year is really tough. I try to let go, and i try to move on. Now it is tax time, and everytime I open these papers I see things that erase you...so I stop. Things that finalize the year, your last W-2, all this stuff is just so hard to look at. To send this in just makes you so much more gone. This whole year has been so black. It is hard for me to even remember most of what went on this past year.
To explain to anyone is almost impossible. It is like I was a man with everything. I had a beautiful home with a beautiful garden. In front was the greenest lawn with a pond and fish swimming in it and ducks floating on the top. The trees in the yard were the most beautiful in the town. And Now....it is a run doown home in need of maitenance. Shutters falling off the side. The grass is brown and mostly replaced with sand, the trees nothing but dead sticks and the garden is full of brown weeds. And the pond water is black, no ducks and the fish are dead and floating on top. All is lost and will not grow again.
Everything I do seems to be a mistake, and I can not fix anything. All I want to do is touch you again. So many days I just want to crawl in the ground with you and just be done. I can not imagine what the kids feel inside, and I cant tell how they really are. PLEASE, somehow give them peace. At least them if you can, or if God will let you.
I wait to see you again one day.
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| Name: Cheryl Andersen |
Date: Apr 12, 2006 - 6:13 PM |
| Email: ctugboatannie@hotmail.com |
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Comments: Pat and kids, hard to believe a whole year has almost came and gone since loosing your beautiful Joy. My first husband David, will be gone 7 years in October, 18th @11:03 pm to be exact. And you are so right in your writings that it is the worst time in your life, loosing your soul mate in the prime of life, and the anger and selfishness you feel. So many emotions, they are still there for me sometimes.
I hope your children are doing well. Its really hard for them to going thru major and minor things in their life without Mom. I will pray for all of you. I can only tell you that as years go, the pain is a little less, but it never really goes away. Things like, girlfriends and boyfriends, marriages, grandkids, etc will all seem voided becuz she is not there. And no one can love like a Mom. I have since remarried...to Bruce Andersen, whom you know, I am happy, but never a day goes by that I don't remember something or think about David. We were married 26 years, grew up together.
God does give peace, thank goodness He gives us memories and love. I asked someone once who remarried after loosing her husband if she could go with her Greg would she do it, and she said no, Jim needs me now. That was such an eye opener for me, Bruce needs me now and I really need him.
I hope that you and your kids find days of happiness. I know there are lonely sad days yet, there always will be.
Please know that if you ever need to have someone listen. I have been there, I know what the pain is, and if not, please know that I am praying for you.
God is wonderful and takes home the ones who have so much pain its unbearable, at least we still have them inside us to remember forever, until we meet them in heaven.
A good book that helped me not to wish David back with pain and suffering is called...90 Minutes in Heaven....you get it it at Walmart or on line. It really gives you a good feeling about heaven and how wonderful life is for our soulmates.
Take care Pat....and your children..
Cheryl |
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| Name: teresa |
Date: Apr 21, 2006 - 1:25 PM |
| Email: teresa_slowey@yahoo.com |
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| Comments: I am haunted by Joy's death and the pain you are all trying to endure. You are all such beautiful people- It makes no sense what life has thrown you. I will always remember Joy and my heart still breaks for all of you. Keep smiling, it would make her happy. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Apr 30, 2006 - 1:33 PM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Sweetheart, it has been a full year now. Somehow we keep moving but it isnt easy. Last night was Prom. I worried about the kids so much. All in all it went well. They went with smiles and came home with smiles. It was pretty much the same ritual as last year only much harder without you. I did the best I could to help them get ready. They looked beautiful as usual. Your daughter looks like you so much. I did the best I could with her...but you know I am not good at hair and nails.
I had help from others who reminded me of things. Marge reminded me about he flowers for her, but your son was on it a week before I was. He does not forget his sister. He had flowers ordered for her just perfect. He is quite the little man now. You did good honey. Your kids are so great. They still make their mistakes but overall, they are great kids and they miss you a lot. Brandon and his date went in a limo and looked so awesome. I can not believe how fast they grow up.
Brittany went with Kelsey. I rented her a chariot. Kelsey went to drive and keep an eye on her for us without having to have dad intrude on their fun. I thought about Chaperoning, but I think seeing me would have been a constant reminder for them. I went to the Grand March and took some pictures. They just looked so good and they smiled a lot. I know you were on their minds all night, but they stayed strong and checked on me as much as I checked on them. I felt hollow without you there. Anyone knows you would have been right there beside me with the camera in your hand. I wonder how many of those people even remembered last night.
I know you were there with the kids by the smiles on their faces and how brave they went with their heads up. They made it through and came home happy. They probably did better than I did.
The last year seems like yesterday and at the same time...a hundred years ago. I am keeping the kids home tomorrow because I think it will be the hardest day yet. But as I sit here I realize that tomorrow we start something completely new...The first day of the rest of our lives.
I hope you like the flowers and the things we did to honor you at your spot on the hill. I know this is a special place for the kids. Brandon comes to visit you a lot, and Britt would come more if she had her own transportation. She will soon. She wants to visit with you in private as all of us do. We get stronger and now we have come past all the first's for all the reoccurring things. Maybe next year we can say, "we made it through this before" and it will be better for us. If you can, give us a nudge in the right direction from time to time.
Baby, I can not, have not and will not ever...let you go. I Can't wait to be with you again. I LOVE YOU! |
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| Name: Brad |
Date: May 01, 2006 - 6:34 PM |
| Email: |
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| Comments: Hi sis. One full year today. I was woke up today by what I thought was Bandit throwing up on the floor next to me. I ran him outside quick and when I came back to check out the damage, there was none, but the clock said 5:17am. "It's almost the same time we got a phone call one year ago today", I said to Lori. The day overall was pretty good, and I thought about you alot. I'll bet your ears were ringing up there. We finally topped off the columns with the Peace Lights on Friday. Mom said it's been a pretty tough week, so I want to make sure I give dad a call tonight. You're still one up on me. This makes it four years in a row with no turkey. For a bird with such a small brain, that really lets me know how smart I'm not. Maybe next year. Jeff and Pat told me they are having a memorial ride this Saturday in your name. I'm hoping to make it but I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. I truely believe that this will make anyone who loved you, just that much stronger. I think my wife is going to try and formulate a v-ball team this year for the chew, but we'll see. As old and out of shape as I'm getting they should have a seniors league, so I stand a chance of getting drafted. It's going to be another busy summer but know we think of you often. Gotta go for now, but I'll keep writing. I love and miss you much. See you on the other side. xoxo |
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| Name: Holly |
Date: May 01, 2006 - 8:41 PM |
| Email: lloyd_holly@hotmail.com |
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Comments: Wow, I really can't believe that you were taken from us one year ago today. I can still remember that night that it was yesterday. I can still remember holding Brittany and promising her everything was going to be fine. I'm so sorry that I lied to her. I couldn't find the right words to say. But then again is there such thing as the "right words"? This morning I woke up and I looked at all of your pictures on my wall and I saw your beautiful smile. Even after a year has past that one question still remains..Why? I think that question will never be fully answered. Only if you could just hold your beautiful Brandon and Brittany and your ever so loving Pat in your arms, I'm sure they would give anything for that, or even just to see you. I am sorry I never got really close with Joy but just in that short amount of time, I saw how much you touched everybody's hearts with your gentle words. Going to the cemetary was hard and I got those flashbacks of that night and the tears just wouldn't seem to stop. Prom was also very hard but we are learing everyday how to become stronger. Brittany looked so beautiful and Brandon just as handsome as always. I think what really keeps us moving on is knowing that someday we will all be able to see you loving and beautiful face. With us knowing that you are there forever watching over us..
Joy you will always be in our hearts and you never leave our mind. I wish Pat, Brandon, and Birttany only the best, that's what they deserve. I will see you on the other side Joy. I love you. |
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| Name: Theresa |
Date: May 15, 2006 - 8:56 AM |
| Email: |
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Comments: Happy Mother's Day Joy! You were the first thing on my mind yesterday and the last thing before I fell asleep. I hope your day was wonderful. I love you and miss you.
Love always,
Theresa |
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| Name: Stephanie |
Date: May 16, 2006 - 8:19 PM |
| Email: stuffy_scott90@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: Well Joy Brittany looks more and more like you everyday. She's really growing up fast. So is Brandon. He joined the Army...I'm so happy that he's doing something with his life, but I'm really going to miss him a lot. When I start to get sad about it I just think about you. I know you'll protect him. I have to say you do protect your family very well. I wish that I could be somewhat like you when I have a family of my own sometime down the road. I really want to thank you and God for letting me get to know your family Pat, Brandon, and Brittany are awesome people. Without them I don't know what I would do they mean so much to me. If anyone were to ask me who my family is now I would say them. Without them I would of never gotten on a motorcycle. It was scarey at first but then I realized how fun it really is and now I see why you loved it so much. I'm really worried about Brandon, Joy. I wish I could get him to talk to me about everything but he just holds it in. Well Joy I miss you...and I hope you had a happy mother's day. I love you. |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Jun 21, 2006 - 8:24 AM |
| Email: eger@uniontel.net |
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Comments: Joy, this is a big day. Your son is a man now and he is taking a huge step. He needs you to watch out for him now too. Oh I miss you baby so much. Times like this really make it tough. I figured you would be here to help us in days like this, but we were not that lucky. I am sending this letter with our son. If you have anything else you want to say help me find it and say it. give him signs that you are there for him, he will need the strength. I love you Joy. That will never change. You are in all my tears today.
To My Son,
Brandon, I wanted so much to spend more time with you the past couple of days but you were busy with friends and I kept working. I kind of wanted to be with you yesterday but you had plans and I just want you to be happy, so I worked again.
Maybe it is easier to tell you this in a letter anyway because I can say it all without forgetting something.
Brandon…you are the son any parent can only dream of having. You have a heart of gold and the truest spirit of any kid I know. I wish I could have been as good as you as a kid. You help me whenever I ask and I sometimes get angry at you for being a kid and having other plans but when I remember I always feel awful for yelling at you. I have a lot of stress trying to ensure you and Britt can have anything you want and I don’t have to tell you no.
So at times, too often I guess I get short tempered. But I always feel like crap later and wish I had never blown up at you. Your Mom and I are so very proud of you and all you do. There could never be two parents in the world that had more pride for their kids. Mom and I would lie in bed at night and talk about you guys all the time. I don’t know a son anywhere who had the relationship you had with your mom. Or like Brit had for that matter.
Everything you do, our chests just swell with pride and I can not believe we gave you life and made such a great son. Days when I think of how much Mom loved you and you her make me the saddest and that also has added to my temper in the past year. Whenever I think of how much you kids meant to her and how much you loved her back it kills me inside. We had the greatest family in the world and I have to do all I can to hang on to what we have left. I miss your mom and I know you do so much Brandon. All I can say is she was the sweetest and most pure woman a man could meet. How I found her is a miracle and I thank god for every minute I had with her. I also curse him for taking her from us so soon, but I know she deserved to go to heaven before me.
I figure she can watch out for all of us better from there, and I know she is glowing with pride now. What you are doing now is something to be so proud of Brandon. Not only are you becoming a man, you are brave beyond your years and beyond what you even realize. All the steps you take now make the footprint of your life and they become more permanent everyday. I don’t think you realize the gravity of some of the things you do and that is why I try to tell you to stop all the time. As well what you do now, by going to basic, you will leave a mark on this world that will never be erased. I am proud…More proud than I can ever, ever put into words. And I know without a doubt Mom is just as proud. So as you go do this, don’t be a quitter, and don’t let them give you the chance to quit or walk out. And even if you end up being the soldier they pick on everyday or the one who is always yelled at, remember my words. You are mine and Joy’s son. We are proud of you and your entire family is proud of you. Don’t quit, work hard and when you are finished you will be able to look back and say…I did it. I am a man. And you will be right. I guarantee that this summer one of your friends will end up dead or in jail from partying and thinking they are never going to get caught. I am thankful to god that you will be safe. You are so close to adulthood that it scares me every time you go out. Laws have changed and as an 18 year old they will hold you responsible for all that happens even if you did not do it. When you come home, be careful. And 18 year old in high school has a lot of risk these days. Remember those under are considered kids and you are not. You are a man.
I my eyes you have been a man for a long time. I need your help and I hope you will always be around to be my partner. As well you are a brother, and this past year you and Britt drifted so far apart and now talk so horrible to each other and fight all the time. She is the only sister you have and the only one you ever will have. She is all that remains of mom other than what is in us. Please try to be a better brother and regardless how she acts, show her how much you love her and watch out for her. You gotta let a LOT go through one ear and out the other. But every name you call her will stay in her head forever. At night when you are gone she will think of all the things you called her as well as all the times you had that were good. Those names will cut like a knife in her heart. I know at the time you want them too because you are mad. But once you say it…you can’t take it back. Try to find a way to be as much to her as you are to me and mom.
I will pray for you every night and I will think of you everyday. I will miss you more than you will miss us. But I will also be so proud to know my son is doing his part in this world. He is making a difference and is more of a man than most of the kids you go to school with will ever be. Son I am very proud of every thing you do. I will love you if you are top in your class or bottom. If you are popular or not. Whatever happens, just keep doing your best and I will be proud of you. I look forward to graduation both for this Training and from high school. At the same time I am afraid of both because it makes you closer to walking out the door. I don’t want to let go, I want to keep you here with me forever, but that can’t be. But I love you so much it can not be measured o spoken. No Dad or Mom can have more love than we do for you. Make us proud son, do your best and don’t give up and don’t quit. The world needs you and perhaps the cards we have been dealt have helped form this path. Perhaps you will be a great soldier and save the world. Or maybe the world just needs your help, but whatever has led us here, you must finish the path.
One more thing son. By the time I was your age I met mom and I was married at 19. This was the greatest thing other than you and your sister. I stopped jumping from girl to girl and found the one I loved and even in marriage I never quit. We had arguments and even some big fights but we both stuck it out and said we would never quit. That is what makes you inside, the strength to say, I started this and I am going to stick with it and Make it work no matter what. Think about what you do in dating. Find a girl who will be true to you. One who you could go away for a year or more and she would never cheat no matter how much other guys tried. One who will love you even if you fail at something. Find her and stick with her. Don’t look at another and say oh I want to get with her too. There are always other girls you can have, but a man knows he has what he needs when he find a good woman. It will make you life enjoyable and sweet. I had that with mom. Sure if I wanted to cheat I could have had others. I could have married others too, but I looked for one I could trust with my most prize possessions…my children. I looked for one I could sleep with at night and know she was not thinking of or dreaming of another man. One who would stay by me if I ended up in a wheelchair or lost my legs or whatever. One who was true and loved me for real. There are girls out there like that for you. Decide which one it is before they are all spoken for and take her by your side and once you make the decision, don’t be tempted by all the others. Stay with her. Be true and just like this Army thing…never give up, never quit. Be her soul mate. Find the girl who will take care of herself when she is pregnant and not smoke or drink. One who will help you work and pay the bills and will raise good kids with good morals and values. If she is hung up on another guy let her go she is not the one. When you find the right girl she will only see you and she will want to spend every single second of her life with you. Open your eyes and when you find this girl hang on tight.
You saw what happened with me son. Life is short and you can not plan the future. You may only get one year with a girl or you may get 100. So many get divorced because they can’t keep a promise or a commitment. That is the message I am telling you and the one you have to remember when things really suck or the chips are down. It is too easy to quit and do something else. A real man will say, no I am gonna do this until I get it right. A real man will never quit, never walk out and never stop until he has fixed the problem. You have that in you and a good job and a good marriage will be marks you can not erase from this world. No matter if people like me or not they can never say I quit. And they all know Mom and I had the best marriage anywhere. Nobody else can be as happy or sure of that. I figure the reason God left me here is to make sure you and Britt hear this message. I will be here to help you forever. In this and in marriage and in life. When it seems you have no where else to turn, don’t quit, call me and I will help you all I can.
I hope this all makes sense to you son. I love you and I am swelling with pride for you. Your sister loves you the same but has trouble showing it. Your Mom loves and can’t say it in your ear but she is there. Look up for her eagles, look for her flowers and smell for her sweet smell. She is with you and she will help you when things are the worst. She will let you know she is with you and you can do it. You can do anything Brandon…anything just don’t give up. Keep trying until you figure it out. You are smart and you can do it.
I love you buddy. You are my best friend in this world. I love you big time. Don’t forget it. Make us proud!
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| Name: Brittany Joy |
Date: Jun 21, 2006 - 10:51 AM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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Comments: Mom. Brandon left today. All I can think about is when he left for Canada and how he was only gone for 2 weeks but I missed him like he had been gone for 2 months. Now imagine. My brother really is one of my best friends. But he doesn\'t realize it. I read the letter Dad wrote to Brandon. It was touching. I started crying and with all the talk about you in there I decided to come here.
I haven\'t been here in a long time, and I\'m sorry for that. But even if I am not writing to you on here you know I am talking to you every minute of every day silently in my head or even out loud if I feel like I\'m alone. Sometime\'s I smell you so I talk to you hoping that smelling you means you are there and that you will answer. You never do.
But I know that you love me and dad and Brandon. No one could ever take that away. I know that we are the luckiest people in the whole world to have someone love us and help us as much as you do every single day.
Without you I don\'t know what I would do. I still need you so bad here mom. I make so many mistakes and I wish I could take them all back. I\'m not treating myself like I know I should. Daddy says that Me and Brandon are all that is left of you and if that is so then why do I treat myself so bad? Why do Brandon an I treat eachother so bad? Even Daddy... we take him for granted and don\'t realize it until he tells us all that he has done for us even when it hurt him in the end. Then I think about how much we must have taken you for granted and I cry.
You are such an amazing woman and you deserve more than what we gave you. I realize I am very selfish in wanting you back but that can never happen. I know I will see you again someday... if God will please forgive me for my sins. I\'ve gotten really bad lately and I need some guidance. That is why I am glad to have Stephanie here. She helps me more than she knows and sometimes I think of her guidance as you using her to help me.
I will never be as perfect as you are mom. But you are why I strive to be the best person I can every day. Because people tell me I look like you and I want to make you proud. I want you to look down on me and be happy for me who I am and not think \"oh jeez I know she\'s gunna regret that one.\" I want no more regrets. I want to be everything you taught me to be. And from this day on I swear to you I am going to do my very best to make sure of that. I will make you proud mom, just as I know what Brandon is doing is making you glow with pride. I want us to give you everything you deserve. And you deserve the world.
I gotta go now but I just wanted to assure you that you are always on my mind and I love you. I love you with all the love in the world and I always will. So BFF for real mom. And I\'m gunna love you forever and ever... Amen. :) |
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| Name: Stephanie |
Date: Jun 26, 2006 - 1:46 PM |
| Email: stuffy_scott90@hotmail.com |
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Comments: Wow... Brandon joined the Army. He's gone now and everyday without him here hurts. Joy I really do love your son. I'm so happy he decided to take the chance and do something great for himself. I hate every minute he's gone but deep down I know it's for the best. I can only imagine how proud of him you are. Honestly now that Brandon left Brittany and I have very little to do. I got a job and I'm just going to work my summer away. If I'm constantly doing something it leaves less time for me to miss him. But no matter what I do I always miss him. As much as this is hurting me, I know it's helping him in so many ways that I cannot even explain. I read what Pat wrote and I agree you guys are the perfect family. That's probably why I like to stay at the house so much. I have to admit there are times when Brandon doesn't treat me the greatest but no matter how bad he treats me I just can't give up on him. For the longest time all I have wanted was to be with him. It's hard for me to hang on lately because he won't talk to me about it at all. A part of me thinks that I should just forget that everything ever happened. But then I think about what I would be forgetting. I never want to forget any of it. I want to hang on to it forever. My parents tell me I'm too young for love but I don't believe them. I just look at you and Pat. I know then that love is always possible and when you find it don't let it slip away. Sometimes I think if Joy were here to see this...but then I just smile because you are always here. You're here in your children and in Pat. Joy I wish that I could be with Brandon and if it's meant to happen it will. I just wanted to let you know how proud of him I am and let you know how much I love your son....I love your whole family.
Stephanie |
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| Name: Ashley Hamilton |
Date: Aug 18, 2006 - 5:12 PM |
| Email: shimmering_star_2006@hotmail.com |
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Comments: I\'m not real sure where I should start... A lot of different things have been going through my head lately and I found myself wanting to come back onto your page and just look around. I haven\'t been on here in awhile. Anyways.. It has been quite the summer.. We had a decent softball season, we didn\'t win a single game of course but we had fun! Although it just doesn\'t seem the same though without you or Becca around.. you both were the life of the party! :)And then it\'s been really differnt not having Brandon around all summer. I didn\'t realize how much I would truely miss him! I was reading the letter that Pat wrote to him before he left and it truely shows just how proud you both are of him! I know that I am very proud of him and so is everyone else that is a part of his life. He is accomplishing so much and has so much going for him. I know that he wouldn\'t have been able to make it through everything though without you always there to guide him. And then there is Brittany.. I think that we have gotten closer this summer. She is such a sweet girl and she reminds me so much of you! I like talking with her. She can sometimes get out of hand! (i love ya britt!:) ) but i know that you\'re there to help her and she always ends up getting back on track. She is a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders and someday is going to make some man very happy. But you know all of this cuz your watching over them everyday and they know that... Pat, Brandon, and Brittany God Bless you and I hope that if you\'re are always in my prayers and if u ever need anything at all...
As I sat here and read all of the many different comments that
people left to you.. it really made me think.. that you never really know when your last day is going to be or if your going to lose someone that you love. So you should live and love like everyday could be your last! And then as I was reading each comment and I really noticed your name and I don\'t think that there could have been a more perfect name for you.. you were always smiling! I love you and miss you JOY.
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| Name: Karrie Hersschberger (stevenson) |
Date: Aug 18, 2006 - 8:05 PM |
| Email: anubis@uniontelnet |
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Comments: Hi Pat and kids:
Someone directed me to Joy\'s site, I had never seen it until today, and I want to THANK YOU for your wisdom on a marriage and friendship...Joy was and still is a great person, she\'s making JOY in heaven. I didn\'t get a chance to know her well, but when I met her I knew she was a good person, a great person and a great mother....Keep on keeping on and again, thanks :-)
Karrie |
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| Name: Brittany |
Date: Sep 18, 2006 - 1:49 AM |
| Email: Brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: oh man. i dont even know what to say. all iknow is i am crying like a fool n i cant help it. i dont know why but all of a sudden i heard this song on the radio while i was getting ready for the day in tomahawk. it's called "No One Will Ever Love Me" by The Baker Girls. it's all about a mom and how she's singing to her on mother's day. and she's singing to her name carved in stone. n ever since then ive been sad n crying on and off. Mom i have good news, im going to homecoming with august! that's exciting but i feel like crap because i miss you so much and i dont want to be happy anymore. i miss you more than ever. it's been 508 days i believe. i dont konw why i count. but i do. mom i miss you so much you have no idea. n i wish you were here to hug me. i just want to cry forever beacause it makes me feel. i dont feel anything otherwise. and i know i've been really mean n sassy to people lately. and i feel bad because i should be respectful and nice but i cant help it. and i do it because everyone seems so happy and as happy as i am or seem to be im really never going to be happy. i lost my best friend, my everything. and i dont know what im gunna do. i dont think im gunna make it much longer. i get so depressed sometimes. especially when dad or brandon and i fight. they are all i have left. and when i fight with them it's like i have nothing. friends yeah but they wont be forever and everyone know's that. friends betray you and family shouldnt. so when i fight with brandon and daddy i just cant take it anymore. i honestly asked God one day to take me away and to just end it all. and that was ... well i wont even say it mom you already know no one else has to know. but i wont lie i've got problems. n i talk to people n counselors but they dont always help because no matter what anyone says i dont care about anything and all i want to do is die so i can be with you. i miss you more than ever. n i love you soooooooooooooo much. nobody loves anyone like i love you and i dont care what they say. screw em all. all i need is you and brandon and daddy. and nobody loves anyone like we love eachother. i need to go to bed. it's 2 am and i have school in the morning. i love you. goodnight. sweetdreams mommy. my best friend. i love you |
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| Name: Patrick |
Date: Sep 18, 2006 - 10:51 AM |
| Email: |
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Comments: 679 - Honey, I still come here often, but i do not write all the time now. I talk with you in private more, but still everyday as you well know. As we move through our second year without you some things are not as hard or maybe we are just numb to them now. Still you would think our neighbors and so called friends would be more considerate. I miss you everday and I stop to look at your pictures in the hall and talk to you many times throughout the day. There will never be another Joy and I am one person more aware of that than anyone. Yet others seem to know what I should and should not do with my life and with the kids more than I, or so they think. Trust me, you know I talk with the kids and your parents and so long as they are supportive, understand and are happy no on else means anything.
I remember when we decided together to come back to this town and raise our kids because of the safety of a small town for them. I am not sure if this is saftey after all. I know you have seen the events of the last year and the accident that could have left me without a daughter now too. To stand there and watch our business burn and listen to the crowd and their rumors and flat out lies is unbelievable. Maybe they should see the receipts I am copying and realize how much we lost in one moment. It still amazes me that they can lie and then fan it like they actually believe what they are saying. They are so small minded and backwards. I guess that is why they all still live here and never advance beyond the life they have.
Still none of that is important. I have come to the realization that we should never have come back here. This town is the most evil place anywhere filled with the most hateful backstabbers and liars I have ever known. Many of them go through the day smiling and pretending to be pillars in the community but they are not good people. Elected, business owners, and more so the ones who like to say that they were ours or your friends. They thrive on rumor and made up gossip and they live off the misfortune of others so they have something to talk about. Other than your family Joy, I will not miss any of them. And I will never again try to own a business in a community like this. Yet they will feed off the misfortune of another and another and even off each other.
We just returned from Tomahawk yesterday. I know you were there because I felt you and saw signs of you everywhere. It was good to be with the kids away from here, like everytime we go away. Your son has made a move for his future and I know you are proud of him as well. Britt is ready to move away from here and time has made it possible for me to move ahead. Not really on, and never will I forget or try to replace you. But just moving ahead. I know you approve, again I feel it. I know you understand because that is just how you were. At night I just want to hold you or touch you one more time. I try hard to imagine it so I will never forget what it felt like.
I dont ever want anyone to think I have forgotten you or moved on and left you in the past. That will never happen. I just carry on. I have almost forced myself to forget that last night. When I remember it or think of it I just collapse because I can not believe how helpless I was. I hate the vision of you on the floor and how you looked when I turned on the light. The sounds of the kids and their cries and screams still echo in my head. I try to think what would have made it different and can never think of anything. I never should have waited for the ambulance that night. I should have taken you myself somehow. I still feel if I had gotten you to Stevens Point to some real professionals it may have made a difference.
I watched as some locals have lost loved ones slowly over time and don't know still what is worse. But it is useless to think of it anyway. Nothing I could have done would have changed the fact that you are gone. Now I get worried even if the kids have a sore throat. Everything is serious now. I dont take any chances with them. Even if they have a mere headache I watch close. I will never be too slow to react again...NEVER!
All that is important to me now is the kids. After that is family, mostly yours. The rest of the people around here mean nothing and one day their hipocritical lives will be rewarded. They go to church every sunday but they are just there out of habit. They do not live what they preach or hear beyond the door.
Like we always talked, nothing material means anything at all. I go through each day now not caring what is coming my way. When it is my time it will be, so why be careful. It seems like forever and yet only yesterday all at the same time. Soon Grandma will be there with you. And she will see Grandpa Fred again. I know you have these people around you so I know you will be ok. It is hard for me to know I can not be there to walk with you and protect you, because my choice to do it would mean I would have to leave the kids and not be here for them. So I have to accept the fact that God will protect you more than I could. Still I need to see you so much. I need to see your smile. It wont be soon enough. I love you and will never leave your memory behind. I will see you soon, until then I will stay with Brandon and Brittany. |
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| Name: danielle |
Date: Sep 18, 2006 - 4:29 PM |
| Email: alidanidandj@hotmail.com |
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Comments: Joy we miss you we all do i miss you the most.(danielle zuehlke)
you were one of the nices,caring,loving person. and i love you and miss you. |
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| Name: d |
Date: Oct 20, 2006 - 12:16 PM |
| Email: rdbalee@yahoo.com |
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| Comments: I know sometimes what it is like not to feel like part of the family beacuse you were not born into the family... people judge you for what you are NOT... because of your name, where you are from, and so forth...I suppose this is why i keep to myself, most believe I am shy... perhaps....but I feel what Pat says is true about this small town of hypocritical people.... believe you me when i say small towns are worse because people want the attention... i hear everything from everyone about the things that go on here and it is just unbelievable... i walk away from people anymore because that is what they are doing... turning their backs on loved ones at that... I just hope that everything works out at the end and i know it will.... I hope he knows that my spouse and i are not like the other people who are doing the backstabbing and cheating they are to him... though i do not communicate or visit as though most people would assume i should... I just try to live my life the best i can and for my family what i can and that is all i can do and forth for others... :) |
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| Name: Brittany JOY Eger |
Date: Sep 28, 2007 - 9:26 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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| Comments: hey mom.. no one is allowed to write on here anymore except me dad n brandon... but i wanted to tell you that i love you very much. we moved to anderson... i love it here. i miss you so much but im doing so much better in school here and we all needed a chance to get away from the drama of that small town and all the losers that live there and in the towns around it. daddy had to shut ur cell phone off. i wasn't sure at first but now i understand why. i liked the ease of being able to call u when ever i wanted and hear your voice but then i just get sad and can't even say anything. we couldn't keep it forever and dad had to shut it off he didn't have a plan that would be able to keep it. i hope you understand... i know you understand :) mommy i really wish so much that you could have come with us. this would have been a better experience with you here. i wish i could somehow miraculously have you back in my life. it's just not fair ya know? of course you know. you had the same thing happen to you at a young age. im a senior now. im graduating in the spring. i hope u'll be there. it's going to be akward graduating from such a big school and a different one altogether but at least i have a chance here. in westfield i would have kept on doing everything i dont want to do and i wouldn't have gotten very good grades. all i have to do is work hard and keep them up here and i'll be fine. westfield was taking me downhill fast. it's almost disgusting. everyone parties too much and i was definitely getting pulled into that and i know that i am better than that because you raised me to be. i am going to make you a promise right now that i will do everything i possibly can to make you proud for the rest of my life since i have let you down so much in the past two and a half years. im not proud of what i had done. im not proud of the partying and im not proud of my grades. if i could go back and change everything i would...in a heartbeat no hesitation. but i can't. i have learned all too well that what has happened will never be changed. all i can do now is forget all that and go on with my life making it the best i can. i love you mommy and i will do my best i will give it 100% i will try to do everything the way i should. of course mistakes will be made but not intentionally and i will learn from them. you know, in the beginning of this week i cried myself to sleep for 3 nights straight because i missed you so much... i started thinking of the song "One More Day" and i was really honestly thinking that just one more day would do it! i started thinking of everything we could do and talk about and there's so much to tell... so much to share with you! i would hug you but you know that when God came to get you i would have to let go. but then i realized how selfish that was. what about Daddy? what about Brandon? grandpas grandmas aunts uncles of mine sisters brothers parents friends family neices nephews cousins aunts uncles of yours everyone else.... would probably love just one more day too! and if not that.. the song tells it right... if only we had one more day. maybe even just you me dad and brandon. one more chance to be just the four of us... what would we end up hoping for in the end? we wouldn't want you to go? we would want you forever and want, once again, one more day forever and ever after. and since we know that can never happen it's best the way it is right? you're in heaven! what more could you ask for?! and one day we will join you.. and even though it wont be the same, which hurts, it will be perfect. mom i love you. and maybe if God will let you, you could just come and give me a hug and a kiss tonight. i know it probably wont happen but im just gunna pray forever anyway because there's nothing else i can do. i know that one day i will see you again. i love you. we love you. you are our everything. you are my best friend. along with brandon and dad. mom i will never ever forget you ... please know that. you mean the world to me. i just wish that i could talk to you face to face. there's so much i want to tell you! oh mom. :( i miss you. :'( |
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| Name: Brittany JOY Eger |
Date: Oct 08, 2007 - 8:10 PM |
| Email: brittany_eger08@hotmail.com |
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Comments: hey mom. so i just had to write a paper in english class about three songs that hold dear memories to me, and i want you to see it:).
here it is...
Certain songs hold dear memories for me, memories that I wouldn’t forget if I could. I find myself reminiscing on these memories many times throughout a day, because most of the songs that I hear every day remind me of just one thing. “One More Day” by Diamond Rio is one of these songs. It reminds me of my best friend, my mom. She passed away on the first of May in 2005. When I hear “One More Day”, I think about the CD that we put together for her, and named it “JOY”, after her. Her name was very fitting in every way. Everywhere she went, rooms would light up, heads would turn, and smiles would appear on the saddest of faces. There was something special about her and everyone knew it. I would give almost anything in the whole world to be able to spend just “one more day” with her. The words in that song are all too real, because if I had just one more day, I know what I would do; I would cry and I would jump into her arms and hug her forever and never let her go. I would ask a million questions and say a billion words. There’s so much to discuss with her now. So many questions that, throughout my teenage years, I have found and not had answers to. I find myself wishing, dreaming, and praying for this one more day to come, “but then again, I know what it would do, it’d leave me wishing still for one more day with you.” As much as I want this to happen, I know that all the begging in the world will not give me that chance until it is my time. The first time I heard that song after that morning, I realized that all my life before I had always wished for money! I know now that money is absolutely not everything in life. All that is important to me is my family and a few close friends. More than anything, God. My family is there to support me and love me in everything I do and I am very thankful for that; and if ever given the chance to make a life changing wish, I know what I would wish for. “A wish was granted just for me, it could be for anything. I didn’t ask for money, or a mansion by the pool, I simply wished for one more day with you.”
Another song that hold many memories for me is “Nothin’ to Lose” by Josh Gracin. Believe it or not this song also reminds me of my mom. There are very few songs that don’t remind me of her. My mom and I did absolutely everything together and that plays a big role in the memory of this song. My mom would always hear new songs on her way to and from work, and every time she would hear a new one she was quick to tell me when I got home from school. She usually didn’t know what it was called and she would try to sing the words to me, but she usually didn’t remember more than a few. We would call these songs “our songs”, and every time one would come on she would excitedly say “Hey this is our song!!” So one day we were driving home from shopping in Appleton, which was about two hours away from home, and we heard this song. This would have been the first time for me, and obviously not hers, because as soon as she heard the music come on she got all excited and a huge smile came over her face and she quickly, excitedly told me that this was the song that she was talking about and that she wanted me to hear it. She was a major fan of Josh Gracin on American Idol so it wasn’t a surprise that she would fall in love with this song. She turned up the radio real loud and we totally jammed out! From that day on, every time that song came on the radio we would sing along with it. We knew all the words, which was a usual for “our song.” We always memorized them and would keep on practicing until we could sing them by heart without music. The thing about this song was that the words in the first verse were so fast that she couldn’t say them at the right speed and she would get all “fuddle-duddled” on the words as she called it. “It’s just too fast! I can’t keep up! I don’t understand the words!” she confessed. “It was noon time, down time, break time, summer time, miller time, anytime, she was lookin’ pretty fine…” and she could sing up to there. “… Red light, green light, go all fired-upside-down-town she was shakin’ me all around…” and there she was tongue twisted. I think it was because the words mix into the word after it, so I tried to explain it to her so she would maybe understand it better, but that wasn’t the problem, they were just too fast! The rest of the verse though, she knew “… I was tuned in, goin’ nowhere, second wind, jonesin’, droolin’, feelin’ good if ya would…” Every time after that she would try to sing that part and we would always turn the radio off after the song and she would try to say it, but it usually just didn’t happen. She got it a few times though, and that was pretty amazing. I had so much fun watching as she would try to sing those words, she was so funny. The song also hold a learning experience for me. I didn’t know what “jonesing” meant and she explained to me that it was “keeping up with the Jones’s.” I will never forget the meaning of that word or the way she explained it; and this song will always hold a close place in my heart.
I suppose another song that holds a great memory for me would be “It’s Tearin’ Up My Heart” by N’ Sync. My brother and I used to listen to their CD’s back when they were super popular. He got a CD and a dartboard for Christmas one year, and we got a Nintendo 64 and some games to share. I usually got Barbie dolls since I was about 6, and those we just didn’t play together. My brother was my best friend because we value our family friendship and I loved to play games with him, so we would play Nintendo 64 and shoot darts for hours on end in the game room in our old house. We would play these games as a whole family too, and it was so much fun to see Mom and Dad sit cross-legged on the floor playing “Crusin’ the World” and “Donkey Kong” on N 64. We always listened to this music when we would play and it was heard throughout the house because we would play it so loud. More than anything it was hilarious to see Daddy singing along and dancing to the songs the Brandon and I liked, which throughout the years has labeled him “the coolest dad in the world” by our friends, and more so by us. The song is inscribed in my brain and I don’t think that I could forget the lyrics or erase the memory it brings when I hear it if I tried! I don’t suppose I’d want to forget it though.
I believe strongly that every family should hold a close bond with each other and no matter what, family is always number one. These memories of mine will never escape my mind and I am very grateful to have them. I was blessed to have such a friendship with my Mom, Dad, and Brother, and more blessed that it will never be erased.
i love you mom.
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